


To the Girl I Loved Before

by DarkAngelOfSorrowReturns



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Muggle, Crushes, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, Inspired by Netflix Series, Meddling, Modern Era, Teen Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:40:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25282525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkAngelOfSorrowReturns/pseuds/DarkAngelOfSorrowReturns
Summary: Remus wanted to express his feelings through written word, NOT verbally because the particular letter was taken from him.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Narcissa Black Malfoy
Comments: 1
Kudos: 10





	To the Girl I Loved Before

**Author's Note:**

> loosely inspired by the series/Netflix 'To the Boys I've Loved Before'

Remus rolled his eyes at the others, shaking his head when Sirius reached out to pull the paper Remus was writing away from him.

Remus moved it out of reach, glaring at Sirius.

"Will you leave me alone!"

"Are you writing love letters, Remus?" James teased, his voice mocking. "Are you telling Narcissa how much you _loooove her_?"

"Aww, little Remus has a _crush!"_ Sirius joined in, cooing at Remus.

Remus wanted to punch him right in his smug face. Sometimes he loved having foster brothers, but this was not one of those times.

He got off his bed and stormed to the door; he would not give them the luxury of seeing his cheeks flushed. Though, he had a little bite left in him for his brother. Turning to look back at James, he snapped, "When you man up and talk to Lily about how much you _loooove her,_ then you can take the piss out of me writing my feelings down. Until then, back off!"

He slammed out of the room, muttering under his breath about idiot brothers and lack of privacy.

* * *

Sirius scoffed at the door and slapped his hand at his side. "Can't take what he dishes out," he mumbled. "Hypocrite I tell you."

James looked at Sirius, and then the paper that was still on the bed. He hopped off his own bed and picked it up.

" _Dear Narcissa_ ," he read, eyes scanning the words written in Remus' elegant hand. " _You're the most beautiful girl I've ever laid my eyes on_ … holy shit, Sirius, this is a straight up love letter! I know were joking about it but—look at it."

He handed the paper over.

Sirius read it over and rolled his eyes. "Sappy git."

"We should totally send this to her," James suggested, a glint in his eye that promised mischief and mayhem. "Maybe then, Remus will get off his high horse, hmm?"

Sirius blinked. "I can't believe you thought of that first. I'm highly insulted! The best ideas are normally mine!"

* * *

"Where… where is the paper I was writing on earlier?" Remus asked, when Sirius and James entered their shared bedroom.

His bedding was everywhere, the covers in a messy tangle at the bottom of the bed and the pillows were discarded to the floor from his frantic searching, but he couldn't bring himself to care.

James smirked. "What paper?"

"The… the paper we were arguing over," Remus said, checking under the bed. "I can't find it anywhere, but I know I left it on the bed."

"Oh, you mean your love letter to Narcissa?" Sirius asked, eyes wide and innocent. "That paper?"

"It wasn't… yeah. That paper."

"We sent it," James said with a wide smile. "We thought we'd help you out, since you're such a believer in 'manning up and telling people about your feelings' and all."

Remus felt the blood drain from his face. "You what?"

"We sent it," James repeated. "You're welcome."

Remus sat back on his heels and stared at the two of them, looking for any sign that this was just another prank, but they looked serious.

"Why would you do that? This is not a game! I was never—" Remus cut himself off, shaking his head. "I was never going to send it. Narcissa deserves much better than me."

Remus turned away from them, and set about straightening his bed. He missed the guilty look James and Sirius exchanged.

"Remus—"

Shaking his head, Remus climbed beneath the covers, and said, "Just leave me alone."

* * *

Remus didn't expect a reply, but that didn't stop him from hoping for one. Every day for three weeks, he sat at the breakfast table as Mr or Mrs Potter went through the mail.

Every day, he felt disheartened to realise there was no reply.

The only silver lining was that they no longer attended the same school, having left just a few months ago. Narcissa would undoubtedly be going to one of the top universities, while Remus had settled for the local college.

Things had slowly gone back to normal with James and Sirius. He knew they felt bad, and for a few days, he'd been unwilling to deal with them, but he couldn't stay mad at them. He hadn't been able to since he was eleven, and Mr and Mrs Potter had taken him on as their third charge.

He supposed that at least he knew now. Unrequited love was awful, but it was better than always wondering 'what if'. He tried to force himself to believe that, but it didn't stop him from hoping everytime the pile of letters appeared in the morning.

* * *

"Can you believe you're thirty?" James said, patting Remus on the back after he put the tray of beers down on the table. "You're officially old, Remus."

"Thirty isn't old!" Sirius said, affronted. He was the oldest of the three of them and had turned thirty just a few months earlier. "And you're going to be thirty in seventeen days!"

"But I'm officially still in my twenties," James parried, grinning. "Which means you two are old and I'm not for the next seventeen days."

Remus rolled his eyes. "And yet, you're the only one of us that's married and has a child. I think that adds years to you on the principal of the thing."

Sirius nodded furiously. "You've been old since you were twenty three and got married. You're just jealous that Remus and I are still bachelors and living our best lives."

James snorted. "Sure, Sirius. That's what I am. _Jealous_."

Remus looked around the bar, and a shock of blonde hair caught his eye. He watched as the tall, slender woman turned around, and gasped.

"Holy shit, Narcissa Black is over there," he muttered. "Sirius, did you know she was in town?"

"Why would I know?" Sirius asked. "I don't speak to any of them. I'm surprised to see her though. There was that scandal a few years ago, remember? She ran out on her wedding to Malfoy. Her mother was _fuming_ with her."

Remus frowned. "I didn't know about that."

James winced. "After, uh. Well, when we sent that letter, we tried not to talk about her so much when you were around. We thought it might sting a bit."

"Maybe back when it happened," Remus agreed. "But it's been years."

"You've never really… got over her though, have you?" Sirius offered awkwardly. "I mean, even when you do date, it never goes anywhere because you're holding them all to her standard."

Remus felt his cheeks heat, and he glanced over again to find her watching them, her eyes wide and bright as they met his. She waved, and got up from the table she was sharing with three women Remus assumed were her friends.

He was sure he was pillarbox red by the time she reached their table and he swallowed hard.

"Cousin Sirius," she greeted, nodding at Sirius. "Potter. Hello Remus."

"I, uh. Hi?" Remus said, stumbling over the words.

"Can you spare a moment?" she asked, nodding to a quieter area of the bar. "It won't take long, I promise."

"Uh. Sure?"

Remus got up, almost falling over the leg of his chair in the process, and followed her over to the slightly dark corner.

"How have you been?" she asked, as they sat down at an empty table.

"Fine," Remus replied quietly. "I, uh. I've been fine. You?"

She smiled wryly. "So-so. I'm sure you heard about my disasters over the years. People talk in such a small town, after all."

"I don't really listen to gossip," Remus replied. He was very confused as to why she wanted to speak with him at all really. It wasn't like they'd ever been friends, and she'd made her feelings very clear when she'd never bothered replying to his letter.

She laughed, and it sounded like bells to Remus' ears.

"Anyway," she said, opening her bag. "I was picking up the last of my belongings from my parent's house a few weeks ago, and I happened upon a box of Bellatrix's belongings. I, uh. I found a letter in there, addressed to me, that I'd never seen before."

Remus' heart was racing in his chest, and he rubbed his hands on his jeans, the sweat darkening the denim.

"You, uh. You didn't get it?"

She shook her head as she pulled an envelope from her bag. From the envelope, she pulled out a piece of paper, and on it were words Remus had long since failed to forget.

She placed the paper carefully on the table.

"Remus—"

"It was a long time ago," Remus offered. "You don't have to, uh, apologise or anything. It's fine, really. I didn't even mean to send it, James and Sirius, they uh, I think it was supposed to be a prank and they sent it, but it's fine, you don't—"

"Breathe, Remus," Narcissa interrupted, her eyes fond.

He felt like he was having a _heart attack._

"Remus. You have to understand that even if I had received this, I wouldn't have been allowed to do anything about it. My parents… well, I'm sure you know plenty about my family and their… control issues, what with living with Sirius for so long."

Remus nodded, looking down at the stained wood table.

"Am I still the most beautiful woman you've ever seen?" she asked, and when Remus looked up, he saw a faint blush staining her cheeks.

"I… yeah. You are."

She smiled at him. "Then, perhaps… we can make up for lost time now?"

Remus blinked. "Are you, uh? What?"

"I'm asking you on a date, Remus," she confirmed. "I'd really like to get to know you better."

"I'd like that," Remus replied, too quickly, too eagerly, but he didn't care. After years suffering with a love that wasn't returned, he couldn't bring himself to 'play it cool'. "I'd like that a lot."

Reaching out, Narcissa cupped Remus' cheek in her soft-skinned hand. "Me too."


End file.
